Thursday, February 22, 2018

To Myself

Dear Michaela,

I'm sorry for the things I've said about you.
And I'm sorry for the mean way I looked at pictures of you.
I'm sorry for making you cry yourself to sleep more often then you should.
And I'm sorry for not supporting you when no one else did.
I'm sorry for the things I've put you through,
Making you feel small, unloved and worthless.
I'm sorry that I cared more of how people saw you, than who you were.
I'm sorry I never saw the potential in you.
And I'm sorry it's taken me this long to write this.
But most of all, I'm sorry I didn't love you like I should have.

Sincerely, 
Michaela


Today

One day I will be perfectly content with who I am.
I will wake up each morning not afraid to look in the mirror.
I won't feel the need to paint my face with contour or highlight.
And I surely, won't grab onto the fat of my cheeks.
I will look at my reflection, with complete contentedness.
I will no longer hate my face.

I won't feel ashamed walking on the beach in a bikini.
I will wear what I wanted and not what others decide looks best.
I won't suck in my stomach until my back ached.
And I definitely will not squeeze into a small size just to avoid the plus.
I will no longer hate my body.

I won't become silent around new people.
I will talk to whom I wish to and avoid who I want.
I will no longer create fake laughs to mask my own.
I will say what I'm feeling, no longer allowing myself to be walked over.
I will no longer hate my voice. 

And most importantly, I will not allow someone to tell me what I am capable of.
I will no longer hear their criticism over my own thoughts and ideas.
I will believe in myself, even when others have given up.
I will push myself further, while others let go.
I will be there for me when no one else is seen.

Today, I am beginning my journey of self love.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

2018

Life just loves throwing curve balls, doesn't it? January seemed like a promising start to the year 2018. Things were finally going my way and I was beginning to feel what happiness was like. I got the sweet taste of things going right for once, and I took it for granted. January flew by so quickly, I swear I got whiplash. But even quicker was the reality check of February. I was so caught up in my blissfulness that was January, feeling like 2018 was going to be my year. Then February showed up like, "guess again," as it just nailed me left and right with reality checks. But that's just life, gotta learn to roll with the punches or you'll be knocked out. So go ahead 2018, show me what you got.

Intentions

What are your intentions?
Are you planning to stay awhile, or leave when you get what you want?
Are you planning to be there when I need you or only when you need me?
Do you want to make me laugh more than cry?
Or do you not even know?
Because I'm tired of people coming around me with bad intentions.
My intentions are always good and pure.
I never intent to hurt another or to disappoint.
Yet, here we are.
My intentions have been laid out from the beginning.
Easy to see and understand.
But what about you?
You see, your intentions are never what they seem.
You claim one thing, yet act another.
You say you love me, yet love another.
Why not just be honest and upfront with your intentions?
Maybe because you're afraid my intentions aren't the same.
Maybe because they aren't.
So please, tell me again, what are your intentions with my heart?

Seasons

Boys come and go like seasons.
Some, I wish would last a little a longer,
Others I dread their coming every year.
But still, these seasons are necessary
For the memories they hold
And the lessons they teach.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Slam Poetry - Standing Strong and Tall

I've always been the strong one,
In my family I was the one that would never budge.
With friends I was always there to back them up.
At work, I was the one unafraid to speak my mind.

No matter where I found myself, I always put on this front.
It didn't matter what I was going through, or who I was with,
The things I felt or the thoughts racing in my mind remained there.
I would never unleash these fears and hurt with another.
Didn't matter how long we knew each other or how close we were
I always had to remain a few feet away emotionally.

People saw this as a strength, saying things like;
"How are you always so strong and put together"
"Don't you ever get tired and just want to let off steam?"
And of course I do, but my mind and body have been trained
Hide the pain, mask the hurt and paint that smile on your face
There's always someone worse off then you
Someone that has spoken out, yet got no help in return.

I never want someone to feel sorry for me,
Or feel as though they have to be cautious with me
Because I am strong, I have gone through a lot yet I'm still here.
I'm still standing, strong and tall, awaiting the next obstacle.

I do not fear the hardships I have faced or the ones still to come.
What I fear is the day I am too beat down
By the thoughts in my head, to get up and continue this fight.

But I am trying, please don't get me wrong.
I try day in and day out to open myself to others.
Yet with every person I let in, I fear they will use it against me.

I know it's a shame to fear something so silly
But isn't that what people do?
Find your darkest secrets to use them against you?
Some of my secrets are so dark I'm not sure if even I could find them.
Instead they sit there in the back of my mind waiting...
Waiting for me to fall, yet I still stand tall.


Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Prom Night with the Devil's Nephew





I should have known better than to believe 

that someone of his looks couldn't deceive 

But God did he seem so perfect

As though crafted just for me,

Under the fairy lights we danced away

As though prom night wasn't just any day.

His eyes latched onto mine, they wouldn't leave

The look he was giving me, I couldn't perceive. 

The looks of an angel, he had achieved

but for some reason, I wasn't relieved

For I knew he was no saint

Although my reasoning was so faint

No way could he be pure

He had too much an allure

I asked a question to be sure

Looking in his eyes, I took a breath

I asked him to say what was true 

"Was God upset when he left you?"

He smirked and my curiosity grew,

"No because I'm the devil's nephew."


To Myself

Dear Michaela, I'm sorry for the things I've said about you. And I'm sorry for the mean way I looked at pictures of you. ...