Sunday, March 18, 2018

Trust

I often wonder if I walk around with a sign on my forehead that says,"go ahead and play me because I'll give you every opportunity to do so". It's not that I'm stupid and naive, I'd say, just more so trusting. I want to trust that you honestly care for me the way you claim to. And I honestly want to believe all the things you whisper to me late at night. When you tell me about how much you love me and how you couldn't imagine your life without me in it. I want to believe that I wasn't just some connivence in your life. I want to believe. Want to. But once again, I'm shown that I shouldn't. You see, I only want to believe these thing because I want to connive myself that things are finally different and that for once I might actually have a shot at love. But I can't trust that you'll want the same thing as me. I can't trust that you'll have the same decency as me. Or the same capability to love. I can't trust you.

Another One for the Books

And just as quickly
 as it was mended,
my heart was broken
once again.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

These Four Years

Why do your four years after high school, feel so incredibly pressured? Its like the entire weight of your existence is relying on how well you do in these four years. How well you do in college, internships, career fields, relationships, wealth and so on. You're constantly wondering if you're doing the right thing and if any of this is really going to be worth it in the end. You're afraid that in the end you'll come up short or not truly be happy with what you're doing. The pressure to amount to something is detrimental. Failure is your worst fear. You're wondering what your next step is and the best possible way to get there. All while, trying to live your life and make connections with people. What's the rush honestly? We seem to be racing toward adulthood, without truly enjoying what's left of our young days. But for what? Adulthood will always be there, waiting. But our youth? That's fleeing right from under us. Why do we live for the future, when we should live for now.

Danger

Everything about you screamed danger. But that's what got me hooked.  I grew up surrounded by a safety net. Never really worried ...