Danger

Everything about you screamed danger.

But that's what got me hooked. 

I grew up surrounded by a safety net.

Never really worried about falling, or getting hurt.

But you cut your way into my life

And at first it was blissful,

The adventure taking me by storm.

But I was so lost in the excitement of you,

That I didn't notice the scissors in your hand.

Before I knew it I was falling through my safety net,

Plummeting into a world of hurt.

I fell for you. 

But you were too busy sabotaging my net,

To catch me before I got hurt.

And here I lay, alone.

Weeping

I weep for the girl I lost in trying to love you

For loving you, meant hating myself.

I never saw the danger of giving my all,

Until I had nothing left to give anymore.

I weep for the girl you've lost.

For she would have given you the world

And asked for little in return

You never saw how hard she tried

To be enough for you while holding on herself.

I weep for us both.

For we may never find this girl again.

She still appears from time to time

But vanishes at the blink of an eye.

I weep for the love that was lost

 And the love that was yet to be found.

For we may never know

The greatness that could have come.

Acceptance

Acceptance

She rushes through life,

Searching for herself.

What she didn’t realize

Was she was always there

Hiding in the shadows

Awaiting her own acceptance.

Breathe

I want you to breathe. I want you to close your eyes and inhale deeply, allow the oxygen to fill your lungs to full capacity. Now, slowly release. Whatever it is you're worried about right now, will work itself out. Don't strain yourself trying to work through everything. Take another breath. You're going to make it through this. Whatever it is you're going through, you will see it to the end. Now open your eyes and look at yourself. You are stronger than whatever it is weighing down on you. You will make it.

Opportunities

Opportunities arise at the craziest of times. You must be constantly ready to embrace each one or risk the chance of losing it. Some opportunities bring great fortune and a sigh of relief, while others bring lessons in which we bit our tongue and endure the pain. You'll never know which option you will receive, so prepare for both.

Trust

I often wonder if I walk around with a sign on my forehead that says,"go ahead and play me because I'll give you every opportunity to do so". It's not that I'm stupid and naive, I'd say, just more so trusting. I want to trust that you honestly care for me the way you claim to. And I honestly want to believe all the things you whisper to me late at night. When you tell me about how much you love me and how you couldn't imagine your life without me in it. I want to believe that I wasn't just some connivence in your life. I want to believe. Want to. But once again, I'm shown that I shouldn't. You see, I only want to believe these thing because I want to connive myself that things are finally different and that for once I might actually have a shot at love. But I can't trust that you'll want the same thing as me. I can't trust that you'll have the same decency as me. Or the same capability to love. I can't trust you.

Another One for the Books

And just as quickly

 as it was mended,

my heart was broken

once again.

These Four Years

Why do your four years after high school, feel so incredibly pressured? Its like the entire weight of your existence is relying on how well you do in these four years. How well you do in college, internships, career fields, relationships, wealth and so on. You're constantly wondering if you're doing the right thing and if any of this is really going to be worth it in the end. You're afraid that in the end you'll come up short or not truly be happy with what you're doing. The pressure to amount to something is detrimental. Failure is your worst fear. You're wondering what your next step is and the best possible way to get there. All while, trying to live your life and make connections with people. What's the rush honestly? We seem to be racing toward adulthood, without truly enjoying what's left of our young days. But for what? Adulthood will always be there, waiting. But our youth? That's fleeing right from under us. Why do we live for the future, when we should live for now.

Rain

Sometimes I wish it would rain a little longer,

That way, things have a chance to grow.

To Myself

Dear Michaela,

I'm sorry for the things I've said about you.

And I'm sorry for the mean way I looked at pictures of you.

I'm sorry for making you cry yourself to sleep more often then you should.

And I'm sorry for not supporting you when no one else did.

I'm sorry for the things I've put you through,

Making you feel small, unloved and worthless.

I'm sorry that I cared more of how people saw you, than who you were.

I'm sorry I never saw the potential in you.

And I'm sorry it's taken me this long to write this.

But most of all, I'm sorry I didn't love you like I should have.

Sincerely, 

Michaela

Today

One day I will be perfectly content with who I am.

I will wake up each morning not afraid to look in the mirror.

I won't feel the need to paint my face with contour or highlight.

And I surely, won't grab onto the fat of my cheeks.

I will look at my reflection, with complete contentedness.

I will no longer hate my face.

I won't feel ashamed walking on the beach in a bikini.

I will wear what I wanted and not what others decide looks best.

I won't suck in my stomach until my back ached.

And I definitely will not squeeze into a small size just to avoid the plus.

I will no longer hate my body.

I won't become silent around new people.

I will talk to whom I wish to and avoid who I want.

I will no longer create fake laughs to mask my own.

I will say what I'm feeling, no longer allowing myself to be walked over.

I will no longer hate my voice. 

And most importantly, I will not allow someone to tell me what I am capable of.

I will no longer hear their criticism over my own thoughts and ideas.

I will believe in myself, even when others have given up.

I will push myself further, while others let go.

I will be there for me when no one else is seen.

Today, I am beginning my journey of self love.